Understanding The 5 Love Languages
Arguments with the people we love are often the most intense. Somehow, we end up doing or saying things we don’t mean, and it can often feel like both parties aren’t even speaking the same language. Author Gary Chapman did a bit of research on these metaphoric languages, trying to figure out the ways in which human beings express love and what that means for relationships. He ended up landing on five basic categories that he has coined the five love languages:
- Words of Affirmation
This language is for those who feel the most loved through verbal affirmations and recognition. - Acts of Service
For others, actions speak louder than words. This language is for those who feel most loved from receiving a ride to the airport or a helping hand with groceries. - Receiving Gifts
Some people struggle with the intangible, and this language is for those who feel most loved through physical tokens of appreciation. - Quality Time
The language is for those who feel most loved from the undivided attention and presence of another person. - Physical Touch
Beyond attention and presence, this love language is for those who feel most loved through physical connection.
Ultimately, we need a special blend of all five languages, but we each have a unique order of importance. Once we figure out our own personal order and the order of those around us, we can better understand relationships and how to navigate them. The natural tendency is to project, to give love in the ways that we need it most rather than the ways the other person does.
Taking the time to self reflect, I’ve realized how much light can be shed through understanding my love language order: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts. It’s no wonder my long distance relationship never worked out. But for someone with the reverse order of mine, it very well might have. Beyond romantic relationships, it’s also helped me understand my friendships in a different way. I’ve always been incredibly affectionate, but I’m starting to be more aware around those who may not need or want that level of physical connection. I’m trying to be more present to those needs, thinking twice before hugging them or leaning against their shoulder.
It’s definitely a work in progress, but the first step in closing the language gap starts with understanding ourselves.
